I Predicted

I have made predictions in my life. Lot of them. Most of them never came true. Some of them almost came true. I predicted


My cousin sister would make a famous painter one day. I never truly understood their meaning behind her canvases in spite of standing front of them with a thoughtful contemplative, and sometime gesticulative gaze with my hands folded. But I did know one thing for fact that they looked like abstract forms of fruits and vegetables taking a walk in the park or a cliff side with a mysterious looking lady. Before I got see more of her works, she went missing. Missing as in , missing. She vanished into thin air. Vaporized. Spontaneously combusted? Must have.i still don't know where she is for the last seven years.


I predicted that my PT teacher would one day get the boots from the school for excessive use of force. You know what I am talking about? Remember that hard knock on your back you got on your back from your PT teacher for not tucking in your shirt properly in 6th standard? You do, then you must have though about it too. Must have. Don't know too many kids developing a soft side for them. But that never happened. Never came true.


2006. And Cristiano Ronaldo was in such devastating form, that I predicted Portugal to win the World Cup. I am no fan of Portugal's game. I have already swore on oath to the Dutch team and Chelsea on club level. But I nevertheless made that guess. Portugal came fourth. 


Roadrash was such a cult game. God! i still love that game. I predicted Roadrash 2 would also provide the same level of awesome fun I got playing Roadrash. Take out that chain and thulp that cop next to you. That was real fun in childhood. Or kicking the other guy off the bike. I still wonder if anyone has ever tried that in reality. And I still wonder why Roadrash 2 never made it that big. I predicted someone would make a Contra movie too. That never happened. Contra was an awesome game.


RGV's Aag was a flop.


I can't think of a way to end this. I predict I'll write something on a similar tone sooner....in the near future. But yes, as of now this a bad ending. Ending fail. Denmark beat Cameroon 2-1. Samuel Eto'o is gonna have a bad time answering his black critics back at home to save his sorry ass. Over-rated buffoons never made it big. Cryuff was God. Eto'o is nowhere closer .May the force be with him.  


Want to watch Vicky Cristina Barcelona now. Only Woody Allen can get Penelope Cruz and Scarlet Johansson to act together. Threesome! Heart fail! Even God can't do that. But I don't predict anything similar happening again from him.


If you predicted in the beginning of this post that you would read it till the end, then I predicted you would leave a comment too. Feel free, I won't throw my dog's poop at you. OR who know's maybe I will..

Nooooooooooooooo

Nooooooooooooooooooooo to the

1. Sure deodorant ads on TV. God! Why would anyone want to watch Asin's armpit for a good half a minute on TV! Thank you for ruining my interest in watching television ads. Now these copywriters are objectifying people's inferiority complex from sweaty armpits. Wonder whats next..no please stop thinking.

2. My cook who has ruined every single food item I've eaten ever since I came back home. Thanks to her, I'm having second thoughts about giving the 'good' tag to my hostel food. Dmitri says she fed him sweet mango soup for breakfast a month back. No, even I have no idea what he meant. Wouldn't want to either.

3. D who's going out with B now. She never gave a proper reason for breaking up. 'I need time' is now officially the most cliched break up line. I now want to act in a High Fidelity kind of movie with Wes Anderson as director. Yes, things are that bleak at the moment.

This time tomorrow,
Where Will I be
On a aeroplane somewhere,
Sailing Across an empty sea

4. Politics. Now I really cannot comment with my current political acumen on the national scene. But I do have a grasp of what goes down at the most grassroot level of politics. I've seen political parties holding their campaign speeches in the ground where we play football. Being cynical is one thing, but being stereotypical is another. And trust me, the kind of shit and more importantly their overall attitude has further pushed my belief in politics down the hole. Hamano was right, it's all a game for them. All of them have the same mindset and belief. Anarchy. That's what we need. Or there's no hope. What happened there, shall be narrated someother day, till then let me enjoy cursing those mannerless bastards.

5. Old people. Yes, they do get senile with age. My parents are already showing their first signs of losing sanity. And I really pity them. But I don't want to get other's sympathy when I'm old. So I've decided its euthanasia at 60 for me. Let me tick off the points from my Bucket List till then

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me

What a curious life we have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees, trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
Now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winter clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round' the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

Kick-Ass

From the sky comes the god to save the queen.

No Future.
No Future.

London calling a man of constant sorrow to take over.

No Future
No Future

New slang to be the king of carrot flowers.

No Future
No Future

No more. Can think anymore.

Bazinga!

I was supposed to get this running by four in the morning last night. Obviously that did not happen because I was engaged in an intense insect warfare post-midnight. Goddamn these rains! They always bring the insects in. And they depress you. Yes, rains are meant to depress if you're in England. Land of the high tea and scones and shiny boots and football clubs.

''You! Yes, you! Behind the screens. Stand still laddie"

But hell! Non-stop rain depresses me too. They snatch away your right to have a smoke outside, or go play any sport outside. Trust me its not always fun to play football in the rain. Those detergents ads in the TV have fooled you again and again, over I dont know how many times! The stain remains the same. But the jersey doesn't remain the same.

Worst of all non-stop rains is an open invitation to insects to your room. They'll eat your snacks under the bed, they'll camp amidst your books, they'll make a meal out of your clothes and what not you would not want to hear. Not that I am scared of them as in I dont have any phobia but it is definitely not a pleasant watching insects of all shapes, sizes, colours marching into your room making you feel like an asshole in your own room. Joe's Apartment. I could never survive that. Who would? God damn those MTV bastards. Always upto some mindless shit.

ME to the cockroach coming out of my bathroom: Dude you watched Joe's Apartment?

Cockroach creeping out of the window: (No reply)

See thats my point. They never talk.

Of course they never talk but how could you ever think of objectifying roaches? Why would anyone watch that? How could those MTV folks think anyone would watch that? Or rather after taking bucketloads of shit from all their shows, why does MTV make mindless shit? To find the answer I must do any one of the following:

1. Win a MTV Reality show, join MTV, work behind the scene and find out the truth

2. Kidnap the creative producer and force the answer out of him by making him watch DD national serials.

.

.

93. Become a Saint, attain salvation. Seek 'the greater truth' where God will show me the answer to this particular mystery.

But as I know my capabilities very well, I shall go with none of the options. So I guess thats another mystery among many others that shall go unsolved with me to my funeral - 'Why MTV makes mindless shit?'

And so I shall now talk or rather write about my experiences with smoking. Please dont ask ambiguous questions like Why I Started Smoking? But then have you ever noticed that of all questions starting with interrogative words, people mostly excitedly look forward to questions starting with Why? I certainly do. No I wont tell why I started smoking. Yes, I am a killjoy.

Day 1 - Coughed my ass out, spat out a lot too. Not blood! Yes, that would make it more cooler. A neo-classical Neil Gaiman character.

Day 1+i - Smoked two cigarettes.

Day1+d - Smoked cigarettes with tea.

Day1+i - Could run for not more than 10 minutes in the field. Smoked a pack out of that despair. A la-Devdas style except with a pack of cigarettes in hand instead of bottle

Day 1+o - Starting of my semester holidays. Swear an oath with friends that we'll quit smoking over the holidays. Reason - We wouldn't dare to smoke near our parents.

Day 1+t - Smoking gave me a lot more balls. Smoked with apartment friends over the holidays.

Day 1+s - Realized the greater truth of smoking. I never got any substantial 'kick' after my initial days of smoking. Over a time I realized I smoked just to watch the dense smoke coming out of my lungs taking various shapes and forms. I smoked only to see myself hold the cigarette between the fingers. My preciousss.

Day 1+ now - My greater truth is still ringing in my bed. Still smoke. Not with the vigour of a newbie smoker though. Like an old man accustomed to his habit over a prolonged period of time. Just to see the smoke coming out of the mouth.

I really want to talk more but I really dont want to type anymore.

'You! Yes, you my lad! You can read this as good as old Mr.Brixton does while having his bacons, cant you huh laddie?'

Well then leave a comment/threat/nickel/bottle of whiskey. Note - i,d,i,o,t,s are integers between 1 and infinity.